Why The Hell Do I Need A Subscription To My Printer?

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In the digital age, we've largely abandoned the need for printers in every day life. Once upon a time, we would have to print things all the time in order to send documents, turn in homework, or file things away if you didn't trust your hard drive. Now, with the exception of certain industries or government agencies, there is hardly ever a need to print anything.

This printer remembers smoking cigarettes in the office.

Recently, I've begun selling trading cards online which involves printing packing slips and shipping labels. Time to boot up the printer! At least, it should have been that simple.

A few weeks ago, I had cancelled every subscription we weren't actively using. One of which was HP SmartInk, a service that I thought I had set up so they would mail us a new ink cartridge when ours was low. Perhaps this is how it was once set up. But apparently that isn't the case anymore, as we were told our documents will not print unless we are subscribed to this service. I've had this printer for a long time. It isn't super fancy other than it also has a scanner (another ancient technology past its prime) There is ink in my printer. That printer is on my desk. I cannot access that Ink unless I pay a subscription to the ink that is already in my house.

Not gonna lie, I thought about it.

Now, listen here, Hewlett-Packard. If that is your real name. This ink has been in my printer for some time, but now you're holding it hostage until I pay your goofy-ass $12.99/month? Oh well at least I can print a measly 20 pages for $7.99/month. Lucky me!

I understand that I can go out and buy a non-terroristic ink cartridge and install it. But at this point, why bother? I'd rather buy an entirely new printer from a different company, print a thousand pages of images of my middle finger, pay the postage to mail every page individually to Hewlett-Packard's CEO Enrique Lores's home address just to tell HP what I think of this business model.

Fuck you, Enrique Lores


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